Often difficult to be gay and Vietnamese
says panel in frank and open community discussion
By Brandon Bailey – San Jose Mercury News
bbailey@mercurynews.com
Posted: 12/04/2010 09:34:30 PM PST
Updated: 12/04/2010 10:06:48 PM PST
Faced with lingering
prejudice in an often conservative community, a group of activists and
counselors held a rare public meeting in San Jose on Saturday to encourage
family support for gays and lesbians and to talk about what it's like to be gay
and Vietnamese.
"Please treat us
like you would a friend or a son, just like all your other friends and
sons," said 22-year-old James Chuong, who told an audience at the San Jose
Public Library on Tully Road that he has not been able to speak with his
parents and other relatives since they learned he was gay more than two years
ago.
"They think we are
bad people, and will go to hell," Chuong said in Vietnamese, his words
translated by an English-language interpreter. Standing in front of about 60
people, mostly Vietnamese-Americans, Chuong added that he considered suicide
when his parents first kicked him out of their home.
"I'm a good
student, a good citizen," he said. "I have a hard time trying to
figure out what I did to have to bear this stigma."
Telling family or
friends that you're gay can be difficult for anyone, several speakers agreed,
but it can be especially stressful in the Vietnamese community, where parents
and elders were raised in a traditional culture for which homosexuality was a
secret shame.
Younger
Vietnamese-Americans are often more comfortable with the subject. But among
older immigrants, "it's just never acknowledged," said Thanh Do, a
leader in a group called the Gay Vietnamese Alliance, who helped organize the
event with Vuong Nguyen of Song That Radio, a gay-oriented program broadcast
weekly on KSJX-AM.
Another speaker,
Mimi-Cristien Nguyen, described how she struggled to understand her own
feelings for girls when she was a teenager in a refugee camp after leaving
Vietnam. "They don't teach you about this in a refugee camp," she
said.
Years later, after
coming to the United States, she found the courage to tell her adoptive
German-American family about her sexual orientation, although she feared their
reaction. They were understanding, she added, but she still hasn't told relatives
in Vietnam, and she often ducks the subject when she speaks with other
Vietnamese immigrants.
Family members and
others in the audience asked several questions. One man wondered if
homosexuality could lead to the end of reproduction. A woman asked how to
advise someone who's trying to decide whether to come out as gay.
Several speakers
stressed that gays are not "abnormal" and do not choose their sexual
orientation. Psychiatrist Phuong-Thuy Le said she's heard from Vietnamese
parents who wanted her to help a gay son or daughter become heterosexual.
Counseling can help
someone deal with the emotional strain of coming out, she said. "It's not
to change the person."
Organizers said they
hope the forum will encourage more dialogue in the Vietnamese community, and
perhaps lead to formation of a support group for families of gays and lesbians.
"We were expecting
maybe 10 people to show up," said Do, looking over the small but crowded
meeting room. "This is huge for us."
More information may be
obtained from the Gay Vietnamese Alliance at www.gvalliance.org or Song That
Radio at www.songthat.com. Contact Brandon Bailey at bbailey@mercurynews.com
and 408-920-5022